Saturday, June 12, 2010

When They're So Big, They Need Their Own Parking Space

Saw this in a shopping center parking lot this morning and HAD to "tap" it.  The one next to it was reserved for his brother "N. Sacks".  Well, okay, not really...

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Friday, January 29, 2010

Legal Not-So-Tender

My girlfriend (yes, I have one) just sent me a picture messgage from her blackberry that said:

"Hahahahaha... I just got change from the office and this is what I was handed. Hahahahaaaa"

Stand there one among you who doesn't think this is piss-your-pants funny?? I mean, I've stared at $1 bills all my life and NEVER did this occur to me. it a new take on the phrase "cold, HARD cash". :)

- The Meat ('s Girlfriend)

ps - wonder what happened to it? Well tell Paul Harvey she passed it on to John Q. (Public). Literally.

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Monday, October 12, 2009

No Child Left Behind - Evidence of the Powerhouse American Braintrust

Okay, so I don't often use email forwards for MD material, but these test answers from various students around the country are SO ridiculously funny, I had to pass it on. The Fwd: Subject was empty, so if you know where they came from, please, by ALL means, comment away...!

Thanks to my buddy JE who forwarded from his buddy MS who forwarded it from whoever else... This stuff made my day.

Now sit back and TRY not to laugh. Just try...

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Friday, September 11, 2009

McDonald's Filet-O-What?? Ingredients of the ORIGINAL Square Mystery Sandwich Revealed!

Your dark dirty secret is out - you love McDonald's Filet-O-Fish. All this time, you've loved it. Eaten it in secret from your friends, family and co-workers. You love the soft-yet-shiny golden bun, with that huge splotch of warm tartar sauce peaking out... And it's the only fish sandwich you eat with cheese[-like-type-product] on it. It's okay to admit it. Loyal reader, you are not alone.

Same but Different: American vs. British - The Discrepancy

Well, Go on - admit how much you love it. How much you crave that square fish. And then admit, to yourself and to the world, that you have NO IDEA WHAT IT IS. Until Now...

Don't you want to know what kind of fish you're actually eating?? Or where the schools of those exotic square fish swim? Look no further than your very own MEAT DELUXE!

Here's a recent McDonald's Filet-O-Fish commercial to whet your appetite:

Okay, okay, I know you're hungry now AND curious - a dangerous combination! So then, what's the deal, Meat? What IS in this delicious mystery sandwich of the sea?

Here it is folks! The biggest little secret from the lower hemisphere: The New Zealand "Hoki" or "whiptail" as it's nicknamed. This prehistoric-looking, ultra-deep-sea fish is the "Man behind the Mask" - the source of that square mystery fish!**

It's butt-nasty to look at, but as my Aunt Millie used to say "Don't judge a fish by it's cover!" Or, wait... no, actaully it was "Don't judge a book without a bird in the bush!" No, that's not it... Um... Well, NEVERMIND - you get the point - the damn thing is ugly as hell but got-damb-DERICIOUS!

The Hoki grows 4 feet long, lives 25 years, and hangs out about 2,500 feet below the surface of the ocean (or about a half-mile down). It is a type of Hake, also known as the "Blue Grenadier" and is marketed in the US as "New Zealand Whiting." Once thought to be a completely sustainable and renewable commercial species alternative to the previously over-fished Orange Roughy, the Hoki's numbers are in fast decline. I guess McDonald's alone importing 15 million pounds of them a year is enough to trim a few branches off anyone's family tree.

"Encyclopedia-type" picture of what the Hoki is "supposed to" look like:Photograph of what the Hoki ACTUALLY looks like:

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying stop fishing 'em, because yes, I too LOVE the filet-o-fish; I'm just amazed by the sheer ubiquity of these ugly-ass dinosaur fish in our country where they maintain a seemingly complete annonymity. Maybe the rationale that underlies that old saying "Fat chicks are like mopeds" applies to Hoki too... (google as necessary if you don't know what I'm talking about)

If you want the full scoop on it all, check out this New York Times Article by clicking HERE.


But CAUTION! EAT AT YOUR OWN RISK! We all remember what happened to THIS kid after he ate a filet-o-fish:

Unsurprisingly, Lord Vader had a STARTLINGLY similar experience to David's, so it's clear that this is no coincidence (In fact, for you "neo-cons" out there, this hefty circumstantial evidence should be more than enough to allow you to draw forceful, alarmingly uninformed conclusory opinions without the hassel of basing them upon any medical or scientific research at all!):

Now go on over to Micky Dee's and get yourself some square fish. Open that little mini-time-machine-of-a-cardboard-box with a Filet-O-Fish inside and get ready to transport yourself back to the Paleozoic Era and picture a 4 foot long dinosaur snake-fish swimming around as you eat it.

How's their tag line go? ... "I'm lovin' it!"

- - - - - - - - - -
**Well, sort of... while Hoki is still the primary source of the filet-o-fish, because of over-fishing, McDonald's now uses quote "and other white fish too." Kudos to McDonald's for once again leading the socially-conscious, green-living, health-food charge once again! Or something... Anyway, whenever I figure out what "other white fish" they're using, I'll let you know. Maybe.

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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I Don't Have One of These. Yet.

I was sitting at work, slowly losing my mind...when I realized I needed a flying lawn chair. That I can fly in my pajamas.


Just one of the lethally awesome products from these guys ---> Gen Corp. of Japan

Deets: Takes 40hrs to build and the kit costs $59,900. Get one for yourself from these peeps in the good ole' U-S-and-Aye ---> Symscape. (While you're at it, don't forget to cough up the extra $8.50 for the official "pilot's issue" white tube socks and flip flops.)

And since it's considered an ultralight aircraft, you don't need a pilot's license, or for that matter ANY FORMAL TRAINING AT ALL to operate it! You have total freedom to remove yourself from the gene pool today!

In fact, it's SO easy a GIRL could fly it. Like the chick in the pic above. Or a dude in shorts and hiking boots. Watch him:

If any of you readers have or plan to build one of these babies, let me know and we'll post the build here. And please update your will before test flights (with me as beneficiary). Cheers!


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I'm No Rocket Surgeon, but...

I'm pretty sure this isn't a sea plane.

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Gettin' All "Science-y"...

I mean... who DOESN'T think that was money well spent??

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Monday, August 10, 2009

FLASH FACT: The Origins of "For Christ's Sake!" and the Holy Drink of Japan

What do you do when your party runs out of booze?! Make a beer run before the liqour store closes! Unless you're Jesus. Then you just save your loot and make your own!

Today we're dispelling the common misinterpretation that Jesus' first of seven miracles was performed at a wedding in Cana, where he turned water into wine (cuz "af-ter the par-ty its the, AF-ter par-ty!" and it AIN'T pimpin'-pimpin' if you run outta booze).

In the correct historical account, Jesus actually turned jars of water into Japanese Sake.

After all, we all know that Jesus went to college in Japan. That's where he got the nickname "Japanesus." What did you THINK he was doing for that 18 year period of silence in the Bible from age 12 to age 30?! Duh. Don't believe me? Ask this guy: ----> Japanesus Expert Guy.

Jesus had just finished college, graduating with a bachelor's in Carpentry and Banzai-Tree-Pentry, and was backpacking through Europe and the Middle-East before heading home to get back into the family business when a guy at a hostel in Galilee was like, "Bro! You should totally come to my cousin's friend's wedding! You can bring your buddies too - I just have to check to make sure it's cool, but I'm sure it's no problem!" So instead of leaving for Interlaken that day, Jesus called Balmer's and pushed his double-room reservation back a week.

Anyway, the party turned into like a full-on rager and everybody was in the hottub when they ran out of booze, so Jesus was like "Yo - I gots this. Bring me some water. Me n my mates used to make Sake ALL the time back in college in Japan. It's WAY better than wine, trust me."

And the guy who's house the party was at told his wife to get a bunch of jars of water but the music was really loud and he didn't want to get out of the hottub, so his wife was like "WHAT? I CAN'T HERE YOU!" and the dude was like "WATER! BRING JARS OF WATER!" and she was all "WHAT FOR?!" and he was like "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" and she was all "HUH?!?!" and again he said "WATER! FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! AND THE F#@KING MEATLOAF!!!" And she was like "OH! OKAY!!"

And THAT's where the term "For Christ's Sake!" originated. If you think about it, it actually makes sense: Wine is red. Water is clear. Clearly Jesus turned water into Sake. Unfortunately the American mis-pronunciation has obscured the actual history behind the word, until now.

And as we are all well aware, NOBODY f@%ks with The Jesus.

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